I accidentally burped into my bong.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
