I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
