If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
