are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
