he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the raccoons are back...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
