You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
