i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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