I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
