I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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