I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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