I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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