Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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