Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The uberlube is also flammable
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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