apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
