Where did you get a picture of my penis
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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