I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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