This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
