my being single is dangerous.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
