Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
