i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize