Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
