is your mom at the bar?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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