my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize