he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
