Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
