Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You made out with two different species that night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
