I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize