This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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