She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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