So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
