like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
