i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
