There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
