He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
zippers are such a cool invention
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
