Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize