You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
