I want to make a zoo with you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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