No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
