I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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