it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
