Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
