Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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