"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
