I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
