i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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