New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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