I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
