end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
