I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
