thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This is the high leading the old right now
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
