I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
