so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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