my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
