Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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