Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
