I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize