take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
