so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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