Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
