i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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