I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
