We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
